About Imago:

The word Imago is Latin for image. Imago theory states that each of us unconsciously forms an image of a potential partner which is made up of both the positive and negative traits of our primary caretakers (mother, father, grandparent, siblings, etc.). In the romance phase of the relationship, we see our partner's positive traits and think, unconsciously, that this person will meet all of the unmet needs of childhood. When the “romance phase” inevitably ends, however, we realize that some of the negative qualities that were a part of our childhood are also cropping up in the relationship. When we begin to experience our partner’s inability to meet our unmet childhood, the power struggle begins.  This is where most relationships stay with varying degrees of resignation, bitterness and disillusionment. Interestingly enough, those same negative traits hold the capacity to heal us. Unfortunately, many leave the relationship (divorce or separation) at this stage.

Imago Theory offers an alternative approach for understanding the relationship phenomenon.  If I am unconsciously attracted to my partner because she has similar positive and negative characteristics of my caregivers, and if there is a complimentary attraction on my partner's side, then my relationship with you is my best opportunity for growing and healing.  Blame and criticism turn into curiosity and opportunity.  Each of us has chosen the other out of literally thousands of possibilities in order to get unmet childhood needs fulfilled. The purpose of a committed relationship is to finish childhood. According to Hendrix, this purpose of relationship is unconscious for most of us. There is a shift from the romantic phase into the power struggle and here is where many relationships end up.

The key word is unconscious. Imago theory offers insights and procedures to move an unconscious relationship to a conscious, intentional relationship and pave the way for real love - two partners who know what the purpose of their relationship is (to support the healing of their partner’s childhood wounds and to heal their own), who have the tools to do this (intentional dialogue, etc.), and who genuinely love each other (i.e., are available to support their partner’s healing and growth). It sounds simple but it is not easy.  

M. Scott Peck, (The Road Less Traveled) says this about Imago Relationship Therapy: "I know of no better guide for couples who genuinely desire a maturing relationship."